Recently in humor Category

The Princess Bride

| | Comments (0)

The Princess Bride is a favorite film of mine. Here are the IMDB and Wikipedia links plus the most well-known dialogue from the film.

Man in Black: All right. Where is the poison? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and we both drink, and find out who is right... and who is dead.

Vizzini: But it's so simple. All I have to do is divine from what I know of you: are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own goblet or his enemy's? Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.

Man in Black: You've made your decision then?

Vizzini: Not remotely. Because iocane comes from Australia, as everyone knows, and Australia is entirely peopled with criminals, and criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.

Man in Black: Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.

Vizzini: Wait til I get going! Now, where was I?

Man in Black: Australia.

Vizzini: Yes, Australia. And you must have suspected I would have known the powder's origin, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.

Man in Black: You're just stalling now.

Vizzini: You'd like to think that, wouldn't you? You've beaten my giant, which means you're exceptionally strong, so you could've put the poison in your own goblet, trusting on your strength to save you, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But, you've also bested my Spaniard, which means you must have studied, and in studying you must have learned that man is mortal, so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.

Man in Black: You're trying to trick me into giving away something. It won't work.

Vizzini: IT HAS WORKED! YOU'VE GIVEN EVERYTHING AWAY! I KNOW WHERE THE POISON IS!

Man in Black: Then make your choice.

Vizzini: I will, and I choose - What in the world can that be?

Vizzini: [Vizzini gestures up and away from the table. Roberts looks. Vizzini swaps the goblets]

Man in Black: What? Where? I don't see anything.

Vizzini: Well, I- I could have sworn I saw something. No matter.First, let's drink. Me from my glass, and you from yours.

Man in Black, Vizzini: [they drink]

Man in Black: You guessed wrong.

Vizzini: You only think I guessed wrong! That's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha...

Vizzini: [Vizzini stops suddenly, and falls dead to the right]

Buttercup: And to think, all that time it was your cup that was poisoned.

Man in Black: They were both poisoned. I spent the last few years building up an immunity to iocane powder.

The website's down

| | Comments (0)

This is a video with sound of an internal systems support guy's fictional morning. It is so funny. Comic gold:

  • remote desktop'ing into a salesguy's machine to discover that all the icons on his desktop form a penis outline
  • deleting boss's email from his sent mail to support denial of never having seen the message
  • attacking coworkers in Halo game

Urban Pranksters

| | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

[Urban Prankster] is a new blog from the creators of ImprovEverywhere that:

will feature pranks, hacks, participatory art, flash mobs, and other creative endeavors that take place in public places in cities across the world. If someone does something awesome in the public space, we plan to cover it.

With video.

This is what a real apology should sound like. Of course, Otto has the advantage here of hanging Archie out a window by his ankles at the time, and not everyone will have this edge when requesting an apology.

Archie: All right, all right, I apologize.

Otto: You're really sorry?

Archie: I'm really, really, sorry. I apologize unreservedly.

Otto: You take it back?

Archie: I do, I offer a complete and utter retraction. The imputation was totally without basis in fact, and was in no way fair comment, and was motivated purely by malice. And I deeply regret any distress that my comments may have caused you, or your family, and I hereby undertake not to repeat any such slander at any time in the future.

Otto: Ok.

Father Ted clips

| | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Another page with associated sounds from my previous website. Not everyone's cup of tea, but I miss Father Ted.

Updated Three Little Pigs

| | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)
Wherein the three little pigs diversify their portfolios to withstand market stresses.

Ti-Kwon-Leap

| | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)
When I am having a bad day, I turn to The Frantics' Ti Kwan Leap. At one point, I had the Boot to the Head sound associated with incoming mail or something in Windows. Very satisfying.

ImprovEverywhere: Best Game Ever

| | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Man vs. 5-year old

| | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Improv Everywhere

| | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

ImprovEverywhere: a group of New Yorkers who do group comedy hoaxes throughout NYC. I particularly recommend:

  1. Freeze
    Hundreds of participants simultaneously freeze in Grand Central Station.
  2. Synchronized swimming
    Synchronized swimming in fountain in Washington Square Park
  3. Even better than the real thing
    Fake U2 band plays on rooftop beside Madison Square Garden
    [The show]
    [New York Times story]
  4. Suicide jumper
  5. The Moebius
    A looping event played in Starbucks with multiple actors

Powered by Movable Type 4.1

About this Archive

This page is a archive of recent entries in the humor category.

google is the previous category.

Movable Type is the next category.

Find recent content on the main index or look in the archives to find all content.